When it comes to sadness, give yourself the grace to feel all the feels, and then to gently guide yourself back to the things that lighten you up
Sadness doesn’t just sneak up on us. It is more that it gets triggered, like when the sun slips behind a cloud. Then the cloud goes darker instead of being illuminated. The cloud spits out rain, but not the kind of lovely downpour that gives us permission to crawl under a blanket and read. No, more like the drips and drizzles that torments more than they tease. Right?
Sadness has now drape itself over your day, weighing down your thoughts, and making everything feel a little bit greyer.
If we are left to our own devices – no, not the digital ones – we are at our core, naturally happy beings. There’s this joyful fool inside of us, always waiting to be let loose. I, for one, love that foolish girl within me, the one full of fun and laughter who laughs the hardest at herself. I will let her fly in a heartbeat, but I tend to keep her under my thumb less I make someone with less joy feel worse.
Lack of happiness is really someone stealing our joy, and sometimes, in fact most times, we’re the ones responsible for that theft. We feel guilt for something or the other, and that is not unique to you and me. Nah, that’s because it is our human nature, we self-flagellate.
We encounter an unfortunate soul, and we feel guilty for having more. Instead of leaning into that and getting curious about why we feel the way we do, something else occurs. Anger. Anger at the person who reminded us of their misfortune, anger at ourselves for feeling guilty. And in that moment, joy packs her bags and flees, leaving us cloaked in shame.
I’ve learned that one of the most important things to do when sadness creeps in is to get curious about it. What is this feeling trying to tell me? Is it me, or is it them? Is it about this moment, or something from the past that’s resurfacing?
Sometimes, it’s just a reminder that I need to slow down, be kinder to myself, or simply feel things that I’ve been pushing away. Other times, it is because someone around me is struggling, and I am picking up on their sadness. And then there are moments when it’s an invitation to dig deeper, to rediscover what brings me back to joy.
And joy is always there, even in the smallest things.
First, I breathe. Just one deep, steady breath to ground myself, to remind myself that I’m here. I put cancer in remission. I’m alive, and that’s enough for today.
Then I move. Walk, stretch, dance, or mostly I write. I do whatever it takes to shift the energy in my body. It’s amazing how changing your movement can change your mood.
Then comes my most important actions, finding power in the miniscule things. The whisper of a breeze shifting leaves, the warmth of the sun on my cheeks, the scent of flowers I can’t even see.
When I am home, it is another set of small pleasures that bring me back to the present. The sound of quietness in our home, the warmth of my feet in cosy socks, the scent of fresh brewed coffee, the fall colours I’ve incorporated into my space. The changing of the season outside my windows.
I take time to notice everything, really notice them. Because when you focus on the little things, sadness starts to shrink.
Nothing is forever, and forever is nothing…that’s something I wrote to remind myself that this too shall pass. Just like the sun rises every day, so will I. Sadness might linger, but it’s never here to stay. And during those tougher moments, I lean on the people who lift me up.
A warm hug from the person I love most in this world, my daughter. A phone call to my sister or my mama who understands me, who will fight in my corner, right or wrong. Or one of my girl-talk walks, where we rant, laugh, and find the absurdity in it all. Laughter, even just a little, does wonders.
Lastly, I create. Whether it’s cooking something new, writing a story, or just scribbling thoughts on paper, creating gives me a sense of purpose. It’s a way of turning those heavy feelings into something lighter, something beautiful.
Feeling sad isn’t about forcing yourself to be happy. It’s about giving yourself the grace to feel all the feels, and then to gently guide yourself back to the things that lighten you up.
One breath, one step, one moment at a time. And before you know it, that heaviness is lifted, it may be replaced by a soft glow of gratitude for life, or love, or just for the fact that you got to live and experience and feel the feels.
Go ahead, take a deep breath and see those tiny sparks of joy that are like fairy wings flitting about you. Behind those peripheral flashes of flutter lies a whole fairydom of magic and joy just waiting to be noticed.